Category Archives: About Rules & Procedures
Dear Mr Knightley,
About a month ago I began stage-managing for a play (basically I’m the person that keeps everyone in line and makes sure there’s a show to put on after rehearsals are over), and I quickly became attracted to one of the actors. He’s funny, kind, thoughtful, and extremely talented. At first I didn’t think I had a chance (aside from being generally out of my league, he’s also about five years older than me), but we’ve become more and more familiar with each other. He’ll tease me, and joke with me, and recently he’s sought me out to tell me a story just because he thought it’d make me laugh (and it did).
I’ve never really been serious about anyone, but I know I’d be kicking myself forever if I didn’t at least try to…make something of this. Anyway, there’s only a week left of the play, and then I’m not sure if I’ll see him again. I wouldn’t exactly call us friends, so how should I go about…becoming a part of his life, I guess? I don’t want to just ask him out and have that be the end of it. I want to get to know him. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Growing Desperate
Are they on the same page?
Dear Desperate,
It can often be difficult to try and navigate the frightening world of relationships. Especially when they begin to bud in a “professional” type setting. You are absolutely right in wanting to take things slow and establish some credibility first.
You might wish to try and ask him to coffee. This does not have to necessarily be a date. It’s simply coffee. During the conversation, try to find out as much about him and his interests as you can. Identify areas of common interest, and ask how he goes about pursuing them. Eventually the subject of events, or meetings or gatherings or conventions will come up. This is your golden opportunity to spend more time with him. To slowly and carefully integrate yourself into his life.
This will also give you a chance to get to know him better. Which means you’ll be able to really tell if you want to be more than friends.
Best of Luck,
Mr Knightley
1 Comment | tags: acting, advice, emma, emma approved, jane austen, mr knightley, performing, regency era, relationships, romance, stage managing, uncertainty | posted in About Friends, About Love, About Love, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Beginnings, Letters about Relationships, Letters about Society, Uncertain Love
Dear Nightly,
What do you think about gold diggers? You know those poeple who use other people’s love to get things? My roommate is currently seeing a man much older than her. I know she doesn’t love him. But he buys are all this stuff so thats why she loves him. She says its the best and I should do it too. How can I become a gold digger?
-PlatinumB*tch
Now I aint saying she’s a gold digger…
Dear Platinum,
The best way to go about getting what is commonly known as a “sugar daddy” is to work at a high end cocktail and cigar bar, on a golf course, or as a maid for hire to a rich family. You must act confident, aloof, and wear slightly revealing clothing. Focus on making your backside look well, since that tends to be somewhat of a fixation for older, wealthier men. Then, you must act as if the jokes he tells are extremely funny. Don’t always let him slap your backside. Sometimes act uninterested. This way, you will real him in until finally you have him hooked. Just be warned, a younger or prettier girl could easily steal him away, so be on your guard. Do not let any competitor live… or at least walk away.
Best of luck on your endeavors,
Mr Knightley
Leave a comment | tags: austen, austenland, daddy, digger, emma, emma approved, gold, golddigger, jane austen, knightley, mr knightley, regency, sugar, sugar daddy | posted in About Love, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Society
Hi Mr Knightley,
I can’t stand it! It’s summertime and there are so many cute boys walking around without their shirts on and its like I can’t go out in public without seeing one and getting so worked up over what I would say if they came up and talked to me. Then I do something stupid like trip or something and of course that’s when they finally notice me. What do I do? How can I stop myself from making a fool of myself?
AwkwardGawker
Oh my….
Dear Gawker,
First off, don’t worry. It’s almost fall anyway. In the meantime here’s some suggestions. You could try taping your eyes shut but that may cause a whole set of different problems. You could move to someplace where it’s constantly cold, like Greenland or my ex’s heart. But that costs money. Your final option is to embrace it. You are going to embarrass yourself anyway, right? So you might as well do it yourself and get it over with. Walk up to the cute boy and burp or fart or something. Worst case scenario he will ignore you like he already did. Best case scenario he thinks that’s totally awesome and you end up with the weirdest story to tell your great grand kids about how you found your husband.
Best of luck,
Mr Knightley
Leave a comment | tags: austen, austenland, boys, buff guys, emma, emma approved, half naked, jane austen, lbd, mr knightley, regency, regency era, shirtless | posted in About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Society
Mr Knightly,
I was wondering how you feel I should deal with the advances of a man who I was involved with once and started ignoring me and now wants me back. I don’t feel that way about him anymore but he is being very persistent.
Sinselry,
Annoyed by Suitor
No means no!
Dear Annoyed,
You should decide whether or not you can trust him after the way he’s treated you in the past. If you decide that it’s over and you don’t want anything to do with him, tell him. Tell him clearly. Make sure he understands. Do not leave things open in anyway. Even if you feel like you’d like to spare his feelings, its better to make a clean break, if that’s what you want.
Having said that, there are some people who…. for lack of a better term are less in touch with reality
And if your person truly will not take no for an answer you have several options.
(A) get a restraining order
(B) get a new boyfriend to help him understand it really is over
(C) tell him you see him as a brother/gay best friend/good friend
(D) and there’s always…. murder ;)
Leave a comment | tags: advice, austenland, blog, boundaries, emma, emma approved, funny, humour, jane austen, letters, mr knightley, regency, regency era, relationships, stalker, won't take no | posted in About Love, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Society, Unrequited Love
Dear mr knightley
I’m in love with a boy who doesn’t love me. I’ve decided to write him a latter about how I feel. But I don’t know what to say. What would you write?
Sincerely,
Wordless
Sent from my iPhone
What to say, what to say…
Dear Wordless,
Well. If I were to write a letter such as this it would probably begin by saying how very glad I am that he is reading the letter. Then I would use that to transition into saying how he makes me happy.
Some men (who shan’t be mentioned) might say how in vain they have struggled but how it is not to be helped. That they ardently love. Against their reason and better judgement. While this sounds romantic it is in fact a bad idea. Because you would be telling the person you love that you wish you didn’t have to love them but you have to. Like getting a bad pair of stockings for Christmas and having to wear them.
I would be honest and genuin. I would say how I feel. And also that I understand that he doesn’t feel the same way. And that this letter does not come with any new expectation. That it is simply something I must get off my chest to be honest.
Of course, I would then also add that perhaps at the next village ball I may enjoy a dance or merely a turn about the room. Your gentleman friend may be a bit more at ease with that.
Best of luck, Wordless. May you find the right words.
Cordially,
Mr Knightley
Leave a comment | tags: advice, austenland, emma, emma approved, honesty, jane austen, letter, love, mr knightley, regency, telling the truth, troubled, unrequitted | posted in About Love, About Love, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Beginnings, Letters about Society, Troubled Love, Unrequited Love
Dear Knightley
I have a friend who keeps jumping up behind me and yelling surprise. At first it was cute. Then it was funny. Now it’s getting annoying and he keeps doing it more the more I tell him to stop. Should I kill him? What way would you recommend?
Thanks for the advice,
Plotting
Surprise… wait, why do you have that dagger?
Dear Plotting,
From now on I’d suggest carrying a switchblade on your person. The next time you get that tickling, inkling sensation that he’s behind you and about to do it, merely flip out the switchblade and spin around and stab him repeatedly in the chest. Then as you laugh maniacally make sure you yell surprise. See how he likes it.
Sincerely,
Mr Knightley
Leave a comment | tags: advice, annoying, austenland, emma, jane austen, letter, mr darcy, mr knightley, murder, pride and prejudice, regency, regency era, surprise, switchblade | posted in About Friends, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Relationships, Letters about Society
Mr Knightley
I will just be frank. I like to look at boobs. But not fake ones or ones on the computer. I mean real life ones in person. But I am not very attractive so getting a girlfriend is not a option. I know you do not usually answer questions like this, but how can I find some, without a girlfriend?
-BooblessBob
So that’s what they look like in real life…
Dear Bob,
Strip clubs.
The thing you are describing are strip clubs.
Glad to help.
Stay away from my neighborhood.
Very Sincerely,
Mr. Knightley
Answer this question yourself below in the comments section, or remember you can always send mr knightley your own letter at dearmrknightley@gmail.com or using the form on the Write to Mr Knightley link above.
Leave a comment | tags: advice column, boobs, breats, chest, humour blog, mr knightley, nipple, obsession, regency, regency era, strip club, titties | posted in About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Self, Letters about Society
Mr Knightly
My best friends just started dating and though its still kinda weird, it would be a lot less weird if they weren’t all over each other all the time. I mean at parties, at movies, at lunch. Its getting out of control and gross. How do I keep them off of each other?
2MuchPDA
Where is that hand going, sir?
Dearest 2Much,
Sometimes a subtle aside is all it takes to make someone realise that you’re embarrassing themselves. But that isn’t always successful. If they continue making a spectacle of themselves, you can try a more direct approach. Maybe send them a letter, or perhaps do a needlepoint or a watercolor showing the awkwardness of such social fraternization.
But if all else fails, my advise is find yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend (or both) and make an even worst spectacle around them. Make them see how uncomfortable they are making other people. Let them see just how gross public display of affection can be. That’ll teach them.
Sincerely,
Mr Knightley
1 Comment | tags: advice, affection, display, groping, holding hands, jane austen, kissing, letters, makeing out, mr knightley, PDA, public, regency, regency era, tonguing | posted in About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Society
Dearest Mr Knightley,
I am ever so vexed by my unfortunate relations. You see, my family has no pride or prejudice at all! They are like animals, so gruff and unrefined. And they tease me for making an attempt to use proper ettiquette. I have tried hard to be gracious. I have done everything I could! I am at the end of my rope! Last night’s dinner was the final STRAW! I DID EVERYTHING AND MADE EVERYTHING RIGHT AND PERFECT AND LAID ALL THE CORRECT TABLE WARE AND EVERYTHING AND THEY STILL DIDN”T USE THE RIGHT FORKS! HOW MUCH MUST A WOMAN ENDURE BEFORE SHE CAN TAKE NO MORE! BEFORE DRASTIC ACTION IS CALLED FOR!
Cordially,
Cicily Cartwright, Lady of Apartment 217B
A Family Dinner Done RIght
Dearest Lady Cartwright,
What you need is two things. A) a local area regency era group that you can be social and civilized with. and B) a chill pill. Give your family a little bit of credit for putting up with your pickiness and let things go. If you stress less you’ll live longer and be happier.
Sincerely,
Mr Knightley
Leave a comment | tags: dilema, dinner, etiquette, family, lady, regency era, rules, society, supper | posted in About Family, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Relationships, Letters about Society
Dear Mr Knightley
My sister says guys in uniforms are hotter than regular guys (like army and stuff). I think she’s being stupid. Who is right?
-Jessica
Painting of Some Men In Uniform
Dear Jessica,
The obvious answer is that men in regency era clothing are the hottest. Please see figure A:
Regency Era Hotness
Sincerely,
Mr Knightley
Leave a comment | tags: clothing, fashion, good looking, jane austen, outfit, regency era, sister, soldier, style, uniform | posted in About Fashion, About Rules & Procedures, Letters about Society