Category Archives: About Friends

Love in a Playhouse

Dear Mr Knightley,

About a month ago I began stage-managing for a play (basically I’m the person that keeps everyone in line and makes sure there’s a show to put on after rehearsals are over), and I quickly became attracted to one of the actors. He’s funny, kind, thoughtful, and extremely talented. At first I didn’t think I had a chance (aside from being generally out of my league, he’s also about five years older than me), but we’ve become more and more familiar with each other. He’ll tease me, and joke with me, and recently he’s sought me out to tell me a story just because he thought it’d make me laugh (and it did).

I’ve never really been serious about anyone, but I know I’d be kicking myself forever if I didn’t at least try to…make something of this. Anyway, there’s only a week left of the play, and then I’m not sure if I’ll see him again. I wouldn’t exactly call us friends, so how should I go about…becoming a part of his life, I guess? I don’t want to just ask him out and have that be the end of it. I want to get to know him. Can you help me?

Sincerely,
Growing Desperate

 

Don't mix signals

Are they on the same page?

 

Dear Desperate,

 

It can often be difficult to try and navigate the frightening world of relationships. Especially when they begin to bud in a “professional” type setting. You are absolutely right in wanting to take things slow and establish some credibility first.

You might wish to try and ask him to coffee. This does not have to necessarily be a date. It’s simply coffee. During the conversation, try to find out as much about him and his interests as you can. Identify areas of common interest, and ask how he goes about pursuing them. Eventually the subject of events, or meetings or gatherings or conventions will come up. This is your golden opportunity to spend more time with him. To slowly and carefully integrate yourself into his life.

This will also give you a chance to get to know him better. Which means you’ll be able to really tell if you want to be more than friends.

 

Best of Luck,

Mr Knightley

 

 

 

 

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It’s Not Murder if You Yell Surprise First

Dear Knightley

I have a friend who keeps jumping up behind me and yelling surprise. At first it was cute. Then it was funny. Now it’s getting annoying and he keeps doing it more the more I tell him to stop. Should I kill him? What way would you recommend?

Thanks for the advice,

Plotting

Plotting Murder in Regency Era

Surprise… wait, why do you have that dagger?

Dear Plotting,

From now on I’d suggest carrying a switchblade on your person. The next time you get that tickling, inkling sensation that he’s behind you and about to do it, merely flip out the switchblade and spin around and stab him repeatedly in the chest. Then as you laugh maniacally make sure you yell surprise. See how he likes it.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley


She Already Has A Boyfriend

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I have a problem. I am in love with one of my best friends’ friends. But she’s in a relationship. And I know its wrong and I know I should stay clear of her, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. No other relationship I’ve ever had has felt this way, this real. It’s hard to describe. Just thinking of her makes me feel warm and funny and I start grinning like some idiot. And I can’t even speak around her and my heart starts beating like crazy and I feel sick to my stomach. Since she and my best friend are friends, we spend a lot of time together, just the three of us. Which is so terrible because I know I should stay away from her but when I’m away from her I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stay away from her. I can’t stop thinking about her. But I want to respect her relationship too. I don’t know what to do. It all feels so hopeless.

-Kyle

Three's a Crowd

Dear Kyle,

I am very sorry to hear about your sad situation. You are not alone. There are many men who are in similar situations as your own. Too often it seems love’s arrows only land where we cannot retrieve them. You are right in saying that you should not associate with the young lady. But it is definitely easier said than done. Love can be so painful and yet addictive all at the same time. One can often feel torn between what one knows one ought to do and what one wants to do.

However, you may want to consider some personal questions first. Do you feel that this is truly more than a passing fancy? Then you may wish to wait it out, remaining only her friend, until such time as you may be able to make your suit. However, know that your chance may never come if you do that. If at all possible you may wish rather to break off the friendship all together. It will be hard and painful but not as painful as the thousand and one small deaths you will die each time you are forced to be in her company and know that you may never reveal your true intentions to her.

Know that which ever route you take you will be forced to endure hardships. But both ends will be well worth it. If you decide to remain by her side it will not be easy. But if you are able to finally tell her how you truly feel, it will be a well deserved reward. If you decide to forgo her company, then it will also be difficult. However, when you finally do find that special girl whose love you may pursue freely, you will be glad to have cut all these ties you feel now. So know that while both paths are difficult, both may be well worth it in the end of the day.

Cordially,
Mr. Knightley


The Wavering Love

Dear Mr Knightly,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am sure you will pardon me for forgoing the niceties and getting straight to the matter at hand.
You see, during the last few months, I have found myself developing feelings for a close male friend. I have known him for 5 years now, but something changed over the last few months, and I found myself beginning to think of him more often, and in a different light. We started getting closer than before, glances were exchanged, and hands were held. But you see, as of lately, he has started becoming distant. Unfortunately, my heart still lies with him. I think of him constantly, I crave his company, I am at unease without his presence. 

I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in ages, Mr Knightly. I must confess, I dearly miss it. I am waiting for these feelings to pass but it seems to be taking longer than usual. 

I do not wish to confront my friend. We have had issues in our friendship in the past and have managed to sort them recently and are enjoying a quiet phase. I would not want to ruin that. 

Please advise as to what I should do to move on, Mr Knightly. I’m waiting for my heart to return home, how do I quicken its journey?

Yours etc,

Miss Sloan

Their love kindled

That special touch

 

Dear Miss Sloan,

Thank you so much for your letter. Let me just say that I praise your bravery in writing about something obviously so close to your heart. Your situation is truly a troubling one. But I hope that I may be of some assistance.

It sounds to me that your gentleman friend may either be distancing himself form you because he is pursing another and does not wish to hurt you. Or it may be that he, in his glances and hand holding, was pursuing you and hoping for some sign of his affection returned. You are the only one who knows the particulars of the situation and which of these two scenarios seem more likely.

If he is pursuing another then you should no longer seek out his company, since it is not honorable for him, the other lady, or yourself. Also, if you are not so much around him, it will help to ease the longing. Remove from your possession all that reminds you of him. Spend time with other friends and engage in other activities to keep your mind occupied and slowly over time you shall no longer find so much pain in his memory. However, if he made his suit and felt rebuffed by you, then by all means, make a point to spend time in his company and allow him to see that the affection and admiration he felt is mutual.

However, most of all, I would have to stress just how important it is that you talk to him. If you were to speak to him on this issue, then you would not have to guess at his intentions but rather, you would be able to clearly and concisely ask him regarding his distant and cold manner, and if it is because of his love for you, you may set the poor man’s heart at ease, or if it is for his love for another, you may then set your own poor heart at ease. Regardless, it can help you both come to an amiable resolution regarding how to move forward in your friendship. You may find that it is easier to have him as a friend whose company you can enjoy, rather than as a lover whose motives you must discern.

Cordially Yours,

Mr. Knightley


The Hardest Choice

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I am divided about writing to you. Partly because I think I already know what you’re gonna say and partly because I have no idea what to do. You see, there are these two guys in my life right now. And they both mean a lot to me. And I feel a lot for them. But now Prom is coming up and I have to chose between them. And I don’t know who to chose….

Erick is really nice and funny and we get along really well (actually we work together so we see each other almost every day) and I know he likes me because he’s basically told me in every possible way except saying it out right. And I think the only reason he won’t is because he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship if I say no. 

Then there’s Ben. He’s smart, and handsome, and I’ve had a crush on him for a while now. And he’s finally started to pay attention to me. Not that he didn’t before. We were friends but we never really had a chance to spend time together just the two of us. But now we’ve started going to coffee together, just as friends, and reading books together, and it feels so good. 

I would feel like a jerk if I went to Prom with Ben, because of how long Erick has been basically in love with me. But I can’t help thinking that Ben and I fit together better and that we would have a better chance to maybe find love if we had a chance to spend more time together. I guess what I’m stuck between is what I feel I want to do and what I feel I should do. 

Any Ideas?

Divided Heart

Making a choice

Which one to chose

My Dear Divided,

I’m so very glad to have you as my first letter. Especially seeing as this letter pertains to my special talent, namely finding the right match for every single person left in Yorkshire and after that, the world. You see, love is such a wonderful thing there is no real reason for anyone to keep such a silly notion as singleness for long.

I would advise that you find out as soon as possible, whether or not this Ben has any kind of intention towards you. You may write him a letter, or you may have one of your friends ask one of his friends. But either way, ascertain an answer as soon as possible, so that you can find out if he is even worth considering. If he is, then go for him, for if Erick’s love is really as true and ardent as you have described, he shall only grow the more steadfast while you pursue Ben. And then if it doesn’t work out with Ben you know you always have Erick to fall back on.

I know this must sound terrible, but really, is it that wrong? You may find truest love with Ben and that is definitely worth the risk. And if Erick does not wait for you, then it may not have been real love after all, and then you have avoided quite a serious future entanglement. Test Erick’s love while also attempting Ben’s and you shall never find yourself wanting in admirers.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Jenings

 

 


An Issue of Intellect….

Dear Mr. Knightly,

I have a friend who is a loner, an extremely smart nerd with almost no other friends. I hate to see him so alone as he always lights up when someone notices him. I want to reach out, but I feel I’m not smart enough to really maintain a friendship on his intellectual level. When he talks to other smart kids, he’s smiling and happy. When he talks to me, his eyes sort of glaze over. How can I be a good friend?

Sincerely,
Not Smart Enough

dark and quiet

I am smiling

Dear Not,

Your encounter is not a strange one, by any means. Many people of great genius keep very few friends, often because its either hard for others to understand them and their ways, or because it is hard for them to understand other people.

Of greatest importance is that you accurately recognize those small, subtle signs which people project about them. You say your friend’s face lights up around other intellectuals. However, do not assume that this means your friend seeks their friendship. He may only be in awe of their intellect and wisdom. Similarly you should not take his nonchalant gaze to mean he is not interested in your friendship. The more time you spend in his presence the more accurate your readings shall become.

However, if you find that you are in fact correct there are several different remedies to apply.

First of all, you may want to engage him on several different topics and see which one interest him the most. It may very well be that his lack of vigor in your conversations stems merely from the wrong subjects. If he has talked about something passionately in the past, bring it up again, ask questions, not in a challenging sort of way but rather in an inquisitive manner. However, if you notice agitation then your questions may in fact not be stimulating but rather irritating. Desist immediately to avoid damage to the relationship.

A second option is if you cannot make your own company tolerable, then create a company that can be. He who stands surrounded by stars appears the sun. That is to say, if you surround yourself with other people of various intellectual past times and pursuits your own company may seem more palatable, especially to someone of specific tastes. He may find other friends there, which seems to be partially your goal, and you may meet other intellectuals as well, thereby broadening your own personal salon. This will also help in relieving the pressure you feel to match his merits.

However, there is one option you may not already have tried that may be worth your efforts. Your friend may not in fact be seeking someone else who is intellectual. It is most often the case that intellectuals enjoy the company of those who can appreciate their intellect. One does not have to be an intellectual to be able to show appreciation for their knowledge and contributions. You mentioned that he is desirous of attention. It may be that is what he truly needs in you as a friend, not matching his knowledge but rather appreciating it. It may be well worth your time to attempt this, before attempting any of the other, more strenuous endeavors above.

Above all, I would recommend that you reassess your own personal value in yourself. There are many kinds of intellect in the world, and everyone is a genius at something, if one is willing to look hard enough. The way you can be the very best friend is by realizing your own self worth. Only then can you truly appreciate the worth of those around you.

Cordially,
Mr. Knightley