Dear Mrs Jenings,
My husband recently returned from the war in Afghanistan. He’s been acting strangely and not like himself. He spends most of his days sitting on the couch staring at the blank tv or in his garage cleaning his knives. I feel like I live with a complete stranger. I thought that if I were to try and talk to him then maybe he’d open up about what happened so I can help fix him. But instead he got angry. Very angry. He started yelling and screaming and pulled out one of his knives. He was saying that I was attacking him and that I should just accept him as he is instead of trying to change him. But he’s the one who has changed! Anyway, he sort of snapped out of it and dropped the knife and then started crying and apologizing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel safe around him anymore. Please help.
Loosing his Temper
Well, now, love is like that sometimes, is it not. One moment you’re perfectly happy and the next you can’t stand to be around the person. Lovers’ quarrels are quick to mend though, so don’t fear too much my dear. And many a man has gone through things that causes them to change. Few people, yourself included, always stay the same way, I wager. Now, regarding this whole knife collection business, well, men need their hobbies. You should consider yourself lucky he didn’t take up shooting instead. Its easier to pull a knife back then to pull shot back.
Now, that all being said, while attempted murder of a spouse is certainly not unheard of, I do think it is in bad taste, at least in the current fashions. So it would seem best to avoid your demise. There are several ways of doing this. You could ask him to see a therapist but he probably won’t and most likely would just get angry again. You could just leave him, but that’s in bad taste too, since you will have to live with this unresolved at the back of your mind. Also, many a man thrown into a situation like that, especially the unstable ones, have actually gone after the women who left them. And once again your unfortunate end would seem unavoidable. So it would seem the best course of action, when you can’t change the other person, is to seem to change yourself. You’ll notice I said, seem. That is because once you have the appearance of acquiescence his guard will be lowered and you will find your influence much easier over him.
Best of luck my dear, and do not get too discouraged if it takes a bit of time. Sometimes you can simply wear a man down. They like to think that they are so strong and solid but they all give in eventually. They always do. Just keep at it.
Dear Mr. Knightley,
I am at my whits end! You see I think my husband has taken a mistress. Of course, there are many noble men who have mistresses but I cannot help to feel like I have been cast off, ill used, and forgotten. We own a large house on a college campus and so we often rent out rooms to help make ends meet. Well, one of our new tenants has a love for vintage books (my husband collects the stupid things) and now they are off every saturday to go parous the bookstores and garage sales and then they’re pouring over things in our small library at all hours of the day and night. I know you must think its all my head but I tell you its not. She’s stealing him away from me. The way she brushes seemingly innocently against him when she passes by or pretends to hand things to him but then accidentaly touches his hand! The other night I decided to see for myself so I snuck down the hall without making any noise to the library. I could hear their talking inside and then there was a thumping sound, and I knew that was it. So I opened the door and there they were, both on the floor and her face red from giggling. And when they both turned to look at me you could just see the guilt on their faces. And then afterward she has the nerve to come and try and talk to me and tell me it wasn’t what it looked liek and that they just dropped a book or something. She obviously thinks I’m pretty stupid! I am trying not to let on that I know exactly whats going on, I figure that way I can let them hang themselves when they think that they are getting away with it. What do you think Mr. Knightley? Am I wrong? I’m not, right! They deserve what’s coming to them! I’m the one that was the victim here. I’m the one that was wronged! I can’t just let them treat me like this.
A Small Distraction
It is always a sad occasion when a loved one’s love begins to wander. And while it is regrettable, you must now ask yourself what you will do. Some women may believe their spouses regardless of whether or not they think they should and give them the benefit of the doubt. Others may play along as if they do not know whats happening only to suddenly and swiftly take their revenge. There are even some ladies I have heard of who have made arranegments with their husbands that either party may entertain others at their own discretion. However, before you jump to any or all of these, I would suggest that you speak with your husband about this. Yes, he will most likely be defensive, but if he still cares for you, he will also listen, and the two of you may be able to work things out before they quite possibly needlessly come to a head. Either way, if you’re having martial problems because of the young lady in question, you should ask her to move out first. This will bring much needed clarity to the situation. And as a final word of reccomendation, I would suggest that you show some interest in your husband’s passions. His fedility may not actually be on the line, but rather, he may simply be responding to someone showing mutual interest in the things he values. You do not need to enjoy vintage books. Rather, enjoy the joy and excitement that they bring to him. If your marriage is to survive this ordeal, you shall both have to find some sort of common ground to build it up.