Tag Archives: drunk

The Inebriated Housemate

Dear Mr Knightley

My flatmate is always getting pissed. What do I do about it? He’s super annoying and then he passes out all over the place. We have our flat for another four months and I can hardly stand it anymore.

Cheers

Matt

Drunk Off His Ass

Staying thirsty?

Dear Matt,

Next time your flatmate is passed out drunk, grind up some estrogen pills and slowly feed them to him. Each time he does it continue to administer estrogen. Soy or common sage are also great sources of plant based estrogen. Within a few months he will begin to develop breasts. This will most likely prevent him from wanting to go out and “socialize”. If he drinks at home, put a diuretic in his liquor. That way he has to pee constantly, keeping him sober and out of the main rooms. This may be a teeny bit illegal depending on where you live though, so check your local laws first.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley


The Date Drinker

Mr Knightley

My boyfriend says Im more fun when I’ve had a few drinks. On the one hand I like that he isn’t a prude about me drinking. But I worry if that means that he doesnt like sober me. The real me. Should I just go with it? Or am I right to be concerned? And if so, how do I fix it?

-Alcoholic Lover

AlcoholicLover copy

Dear Alcoholic,

While I would never condone alcohol abuse (cough) here’s something for you to consider. One of the effects of inebriation is that it allows you to let go of your inhibitions. So ask yourself, is it that the real you is being masked by the alcohol, or rather, is it that the alcohol is allowing the real you to be seen. And if that is the case, maybe the problem doesn’t lie with the question of alcohol or sobriety, but rather what parts of yourself that you are not comfortable with, and asking yourself why that is. What is there about yourself that you don’t like and why don’t you like it? Why do you feel like that part of you shouldn’t be seen? Are you afraid people won’t like you? Take some introspection and call me in the morning. In the meantime, does your boyfriend not like the sober you? If he likes you regardless then it seems this is more of an internal problem. If he doesn’t like sober you, then he’s an a**hole. Dump his butt.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley