Tag Archives: friendship

The Wavering Love

Dear Mr Knightly,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am sure you will pardon me for forgoing the niceties and getting straight to the matter at hand.
You see, during the last few months, I have found myself developing feelings for a close male friend. I have known him for 5 years now, but something changed over the last few months, and I found myself beginning to think of him more often, and in a different light. We started getting closer than before, glances were exchanged, and hands were held. But you see, as of lately, he has started becoming distant. Unfortunately, my heart still lies with him. I think of him constantly, I crave his company, I am at unease without his presence. 

I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in ages, Mr Knightly. I must confess, I dearly miss it. I am waiting for these feelings to pass but it seems to be taking longer than usual. 

I do not wish to confront my friend. We have had issues in our friendship in the past and have managed to sort them recently and are enjoying a quiet phase. I would not want to ruin that. 

Please advise as to what I should do to move on, Mr Knightly. I’m waiting for my heart to return home, how do I quicken its journey?

Yours etc,

Miss Sloan

Their love kindled

That special touch

 

Dear Miss Sloan,

Thank you so much for your letter. Let me just say that I praise your bravery in writing about something obviously so close to your heart. Your situation is truly a troubling one. But I hope that I may be of some assistance.

It sounds to me that your gentleman friend may either be distancing himself form you because he is pursing another and does not wish to hurt you. Or it may be that he, in his glances and hand holding, was pursuing you and hoping for some sign of his affection returned. You are the only one who knows the particulars of the situation and which of these two scenarios seem more likely.

If he is pursuing another then you should no longer seek out his company, since it is not honorable for him, the other lady, or yourself. Also, if you are not so much around him, it will help to ease the longing. Remove from your possession all that reminds you of him. Spend time with other friends and engage in other activities to keep your mind occupied and slowly over time you shall no longer find so much pain in his memory. However, if he made his suit and felt rebuffed by you, then by all means, make a point to spend time in his company and allow him to see that the affection and admiration he felt is mutual.

However, most of all, I would have to stress just how important it is that you talk to him. If you were to speak to him on this issue, then you would not have to guess at his intentions but rather, you would be able to clearly and concisely ask him regarding his distant and cold manner, and if it is because of his love for you, you may set the poor man’s heart at ease, or if it is for his love for another, you may then set your own poor heart at ease. Regardless, it can help you both come to an amiable resolution regarding how to move forward in your friendship. You may find that it is easier to have him as a friend whose company you can enjoy, rather than as a lover whose motives you must discern.

Cordially Yours,

Mr. Knightley


Getting Tangled in the Undergrowth…

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I am not a lady to throw myself in the path of other men; on the contrary, I am twice as likely to throw myself off of it…especially when the man is one I admire.

I know this is most impractical. Firstly, however, I am terribly shy. Secondly, I cannot shake the feeling that to pursue the object of my admiration under pretenses of friendship would be dishonest. For I feel, you see, so much more, though I am hardly well-enough acquainted with the gentleman to justify more direct flirtation.

But I tire of hiding in bushes as my gentleman passes by. It is degrading, and further more, I’m beginning to acquire leaf stains on all my favorite frocks. In short, I most humbly beg your advice.

I am yours, etc.

Offroaded Admirer

 

 

 

Dear Offroaded,

Let me begin first by saying that those women who throw themselves so wantonly in the path of men at the blink of an eye are most certainly not acting as any true lady ought to. A lady does herself no favor in so desperately pursuing a man, no matter what his rank may be. For not only will her motives be questioned but she will also find that men take greatest delight in the pursuit of a beautiful woman but when they find their target too readily or too easily, they often lose interest fairly quickly. It is much better to let a gentleman pursue you, giving him small signs and tokens of affection but holding back slightly, as to arouse his curiosity and enhance your own air of mystery. But keep in mind, having a reception too cold, too modest, or too dignified may thwart a gentleman’s suit all together.

However, it seems to me that your currently methods, of throwing yourself off the path all together, may mean that you never even reach this point. A gentleman cannot pursue your heart if he does not have the opportunity to do so. This is why it is so vital to stay upon the road. Even as the wanton must resist pitching themselves at the gentleman, the trepidatious must resist the urge to flee. Love requires bravery, as all things of true worth do.

Regarding your thoughts on using friendship, there is a crucial difference to be grasped. Pursuing the object of your desire under the pretense of friendship is dishonorable indeed, however, pursuing the honest friendship of the one you desire is in no way dishonorable. It is only in knowing him a little better that you may realize if he truly is the man of integrity and honor that his impressions have painted him to be. And it may be that in gaining your friendship that small ember of love may be quickened in his heart as well.

Let me warn you though from bitter truths reaped from my own path, it is by no means easy, to be so close and intimate with the one you truly love and respect and regard above all others, and to know that they may not ever see you in the same light. But a very wise man once wrote, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. And Love conquors all.”

If what you feel is so strong, then draw strength from it and stand strong upon the road. Let him draw nearer to you, and draw near to him as well. Learn to know your gentleman a bit better and allow him to know you more. It is only this way that mutual admiration and regard can blossom into the sweetest of all life’s blooms.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley

Post Script. You may find this helpful in dealing with your stained frocks http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2007/07/24/every-day-chores-of-laundry-and-scullery-maids-and-washer-women/


An Issue of Intellect….

Dear Mr. Knightly,

I have a friend who is a loner, an extremely smart nerd with almost no other friends. I hate to see him so alone as he always lights up when someone notices him. I want to reach out, but I feel I’m not smart enough to really maintain a friendship on his intellectual level. When he talks to other smart kids, he’s smiling and happy. When he talks to me, his eyes sort of glaze over. How can I be a good friend?

Sincerely,
Not Smart Enough

dark and quiet

I am smiling

Dear Not,

Your encounter is not a strange one, by any means. Many people of great genius keep very few friends, often because its either hard for others to understand them and their ways, or because it is hard for them to understand other people.

Of greatest importance is that you accurately recognize those small, subtle signs which people project about them. You say your friend’s face lights up around other intellectuals. However, do not assume that this means your friend seeks their friendship. He may only be in awe of their intellect and wisdom. Similarly you should not take his nonchalant gaze to mean he is not interested in your friendship. The more time you spend in his presence the more accurate your readings shall become.

However, if you find that you are in fact correct there are several different remedies to apply.

First of all, you may want to engage him on several different topics and see which one interest him the most. It may very well be that his lack of vigor in your conversations stems merely from the wrong subjects. If he has talked about something passionately in the past, bring it up again, ask questions, not in a challenging sort of way but rather in an inquisitive manner. However, if you notice agitation then your questions may in fact not be stimulating but rather irritating. Desist immediately to avoid damage to the relationship.

A second option is if you cannot make your own company tolerable, then create a company that can be. He who stands surrounded by stars appears the sun. That is to say, if you surround yourself with other people of various intellectual past times and pursuits your own company may seem more palatable, especially to someone of specific tastes. He may find other friends there, which seems to be partially your goal, and you may meet other intellectuals as well, thereby broadening your own personal salon. This will also help in relieving the pressure you feel to match his merits.

However, there is one option you may not already have tried that may be worth your efforts. Your friend may not in fact be seeking someone else who is intellectual. It is most often the case that intellectuals enjoy the company of those who can appreciate their intellect. One does not have to be an intellectual to be able to show appreciation for their knowledge and contributions. You mentioned that he is desirous of attention. It may be that is what he truly needs in you as a friend, not matching his knowledge but rather appreciating it. It may be well worth your time to attempt this, before attempting any of the other, more strenuous endeavors above.

Above all, I would recommend that you reassess your own personal value in yourself. There are many kinds of intellect in the world, and everyone is a genius at something, if one is willing to look hard enough. The way you can be the very best friend is by realizing your own self worth. Only then can you truly appreciate the worth of those around you.

Cordially,
Mr. Knightley