Category Archives: About Love

Love in a Playhouse

Dear Mr Knightley,

About a month ago I began stage-managing for a play (basically I’m the person that keeps everyone in line and makes sure there’s a show to put on after rehearsals are over), and I quickly became attracted to one of the actors. He’s funny, kind, thoughtful, and extremely talented. At first I didn’t think I had a chance (aside from being generally out of my league, he’s also about five years older than me), but we’ve become more and more familiar with each other. He’ll tease me, and joke with me, and recently he’s sought me out to tell me a story just because he thought it’d make me laugh (and it did).

I’ve never really been serious about anyone, but I know I’d be kicking myself forever if I didn’t at least try to…make something of this. Anyway, there’s only a week left of the play, and then I’m not sure if I’ll see him again. I wouldn’t exactly call us friends, so how should I go about…becoming a part of his life, I guess? I don’t want to just ask him out and have that be the end of it. I want to get to know him. Can you help me?

Sincerely,
Growing Desperate

 

Don't mix signals

Are they on the same page?

 

Dear Desperate,

 

It can often be difficult to try and navigate the frightening world of relationships. Especially when they begin to bud in a “professional” type setting. You are absolutely right in wanting to take things slow and establish some credibility first.

You might wish to try and ask him to coffee. This does not have to necessarily be a date. It’s simply coffee. During the conversation, try to find out as much about him and his interests as you can. Identify areas of common interest, and ask how he goes about pursuing them. Eventually the subject of events, or meetings or gatherings or conventions will come up. This is your golden opportunity to spend more time with him. To slowly and carefully integrate yourself into his life.

This will also give you a chance to get to know him better. Which means you’ll be able to really tell if you want to be more than friends.

 

Best of Luck,

Mr Knightley

 

 

 

 


When He Won’t Take No for an Answer

Mr Knightly,

I was wondering how you feel I should deal with the advances of a man who I was involved with once and started ignoring me and now wants me back. I don’t feel that way about him anymore but he is being very persistent.

Sinselry,

Annoyed by Suitor

Guys who cant take a hint

No means no!

 

Dear Annoyed,

You should decide whether or not you can trust him after the way he’s treated you in the past. If you decide that it’s over and you don’t want anything to do with him, tell him. Tell him clearly. Make sure he understands. Do not leave things open in anyway. Even if you feel like you’d like to spare his feelings, its better to make a clean break, if that’s what you want.

Having said that, there are some people who…. for lack of a better term are less in touch with reality

tumblr_leodrzNaL61qzvb8zAnd if your person truly will not take no for an answer you have several options.

(A) get a restraining order
(B) get a new boyfriend to help him understand it really is over
(C) tell him you see him as a brother/gay best friend/good friend
(D) and there’s always…. murder ;)

 

 

 


How to Write a Letter of Unrequited Love

Dear mr knightley

I’m in love with a boy who doesn’t love me. I’ve decided to write him a latter about how I feel. But I don’t know what to say. What would you write?

Sincerely,
Wordless

Sent from my iPhone

quil letter written regency era

What to say, what to say…

Dear Wordless,

Well. If I were to write a letter such as this it would probably begin by saying how very glad I am that he is reading the letter. Then I would use that to transition into saying how he makes me happy.

Some men (who shan’t be mentioned) might say how in vain they have struggled but how it is not to be helped. That they ardently love. Against their reason and better judgement. While this sounds romantic it is in fact a bad idea. Because you would be telling the person you love that you wish you didn’t have to love them but you have to. Like getting a bad pair of stockings for Christmas and having to wear them.

I would be honest and genuin. I would say how I feel. And also that I understand that he doesn’t feel the same way. And that this letter does not come with any new expectation. That it is simply something I must get off my chest to be honest.

Of course, I would then also add that perhaps at the next village ball I may enjoy a dance or merely a turn about the room. Your gentleman friend may be a bit more at ease with that.

Best of luck, Wordless. May you find the right words.

Cordially,
Mr Knightley


The Date Drinker

Mr Knightley

My boyfriend says Im more fun when I’ve had a few drinks. On the one hand I like that he isn’t a prude about me drinking. But I worry if that means that he doesnt like sober me. The real me. Should I just go with it? Or am I right to be concerned? And if so, how do I fix it?

-Alcoholic Lover

AlcoholicLover copy

Dear Alcoholic,

While I would never condone alcohol abuse (cough) here’s something for you to consider. One of the effects of inebriation is that it allows you to let go of your inhibitions. So ask yourself, is it that the real you is being masked by the alcohol, or rather, is it that the alcohol is allowing the real you to be seen. And if that is the case, maybe the problem doesn’t lie with the question of alcohol or sobriety, but rather what parts of yourself that you are not comfortable with, and asking yourself why that is. What is there about yourself that you don’t like and why don’t you like it? Why do you feel like that part of you shouldn’t be seen? Are you afraid people won’t like you? Take some introspection and call me in the morning. In the meantime, does your boyfriend not like the sober you? If he likes you regardless then it seems this is more of an internal problem. If he doesn’t like sober you, then he’s an a**hole. Dump his butt.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley

 


The Shy Guy

Hi there,
I work in a cafe and there’s this boy that comes in all the time. He is quiet and cute. And he always sits by himself and reads. And pretends not to look at me. But then I keep catching him. And I kinda want to talk to him. But he is really shy and I don’t want to scare him away. Should I wait for him to make the first move?
Help
Lindsey

ShyGuy

Dear Lindsey,
He’s not going to make the first move. Go up to him (when you’re not working), pull the book out of his hands and throw it on the table (don’t lose his spot otherwise he’ll hate you forever), yank of his glasses and kiss him long and hard. If he doesn’t respond or doesn’t know what to do next, move on. He’s not worth your time.

Go get him tiger!
Mr Knightley


She Already Has A Boyfriend

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I have a problem. I am in love with one of my best friends’ friends. But she’s in a relationship. And I know its wrong and I know I should stay clear of her, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. No other relationship I’ve ever had has felt this way, this real. It’s hard to describe. Just thinking of her makes me feel warm and funny and I start grinning like some idiot. And I can’t even speak around her and my heart starts beating like crazy and I feel sick to my stomach. Since she and my best friend are friends, we spend a lot of time together, just the three of us. Which is so terrible because I know I should stay away from her but when I’m away from her I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stay away from her. I can’t stop thinking about her. But I want to respect her relationship too. I don’t know what to do. It all feels so hopeless.

-Kyle

Three's a Crowd

Dear Kyle,

I am very sorry to hear about your sad situation. You are not alone. There are many men who are in similar situations as your own. Too often it seems love’s arrows only land where we cannot retrieve them. You are right in saying that you should not associate with the young lady. But it is definitely easier said than done. Love can be so painful and yet addictive all at the same time. One can often feel torn between what one knows one ought to do and what one wants to do.

However, you may want to consider some personal questions first. Do you feel that this is truly more than a passing fancy? Then you may wish to wait it out, remaining only her friend, until such time as you may be able to make your suit. However, know that your chance may never come if you do that. If at all possible you may wish rather to break off the friendship all together. It will be hard and painful but not as painful as the thousand and one small deaths you will die each time you are forced to be in her company and know that you may never reveal your true intentions to her.

Know that which ever route you take you will be forced to endure hardships. But both ends will be well worth it. If you decide to remain by her side it will not be easy. But if you are able to finally tell her how you truly feel, it will be a well deserved reward. If you decide to forgo her company, then it will also be difficult. However, when you finally do find that special girl whose love you may pursue freely, you will be glad to have cut all these ties you feel now. So know that while both paths are difficult, both may be well worth it in the end of the day.

Cordially,
Mr. Knightley


The Wavering Love

Dear Mr Knightly,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am sure you will pardon me for forgoing the niceties and getting straight to the matter at hand.
You see, during the last few months, I have found myself developing feelings for a close male friend. I have known him for 5 years now, but something changed over the last few months, and I found myself beginning to think of him more often, and in a different light. We started getting closer than before, glances were exchanged, and hands were held. But you see, as of lately, he has started becoming distant. Unfortunately, my heart still lies with him. I think of him constantly, I crave his company, I am at unease without his presence. 

I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in ages, Mr Knightly. I must confess, I dearly miss it. I am waiting for these feelings to pass but it seems to be taking longer than usual. 

I do not wish to confront my friend. We have had issues in our friendship in the past and have managed to sort them recently and are enjoying a quiet phase. I would not want to ruin that. 

Please advise as to what I should do to move on, Mr Knightly. I’m waiting for my heart to return home, how do I quicken its journey?

Yours etc,

Miss Sloan

Their love kindled

That special touch

 

Dear Miss Sloan,

Thank you so much for your letter. Let me just say that I praise your bravery in writing about something obviously so close to your heart. Your situation is truly a troubling one. But I hope that I may be of some assistance.

It sounds to me that your gentleman friend may either be distancing himself form you because he is pursing another and does not wish to hurt you. Or it may be that he, in his glances and hand holding, was pursuing you and hoping for some sign of his affection returned. You are the only one who knows the particulars of the situation and which of these two scenarios seem more likely.

If he is pursuing another then you should no longer seek out his company, since it is not honorable for him, the other lady, or yourself. Also, if you are not so much around him, it will help to ease the longing. Remove from your possession all that reminds you of him. Spend time with other friends and engage in other activities to keep your mind occupied and slowly over time you shall no longer find so much pain in his memory. However, if he made his suit and felt rebuffed by you, then by all means, make a point to spend time in his company and allow him to see that the affection and admiration he felt is mutual.

However, most of all, I would have to stress just how important it is that you talk to him. If you were to speak to him on this issue, then you would not have to guess at his intentions but rather, you would be able to clearly and concisely ask him regarding his distant and cold manner, and if it is because of his love for you, you may set the poor man’s heart at ease, or if it is for his love for another, you may then set your own poor heart at ease. Regardless, it can help you both come to an amiable resolution regarding how to move forward in your friendship. You may find that it is easier to have him as a friend whose company you can enjoy, rather than as a lover whose motives you must discern.

Cordially Yours,

Mr. Knightley


The Controversial Age Gap

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I’m a divorced 54 year old with a 27 year old son. He recently got engaged and it was there that I met his fiancee’s cousin. She plays the most lovely music and being around her fills me with energy and excitement.  I feel for the first time in my life as if I am actually in love. But my son won’t even let me broach the topic. It seems to me that he thinks I am too old for her (she’s 22). I’ve been impressed by your advise so far, otherwise I wouldn’t have written. But I hope you can help me. I don’t want my son to feel that I don’t consider his opinion but at the same time it doesn’t really have anything to do with him, right?

-Feeling Fortyagain

Eeew

Age before Beauty

Dear Mr. Fortyagain,

I thank you for your kind correspondence and for the compliment you paid the blog. Rest assured that we take every letter seriously and even those we do not feature on the page still get answered whenever possible. Regarding your question there are several things that I will just briefly touch on, since this is a delicate situation.

You are absolutely correct when you say that this matter is entirely up to you. And you do not have to show any kind of consideration for your son’s opinion on the matter. However, I think you have handled it well up until now, by attempting to speak with your son before you go ahead with your plan. He has certainly not shown the same kind of restraint and decorum in temperment, which may only come with age.

And your age will definitely be an advantage to the young lady, and a compliment to her beauty. However, to make an appropriate decision a clear view of all the facts must be attained, and that involves counting not only the benefits but also the costs. And there are several you will have to face. First, while I hope that you can tell by now whether what you feel is a passing fancy or not, she may not be able to yet, so that while your feelings of affection may start out mutual she may lose interest all too soon. And either way, her own honor may be called into question, and you would not want to do something such as that to someone you admire or respect.

A second consideration is while this may not reflect poorly on you, it may reflect poorly on your son. Depending on how well your situation is known among society it may call your family’s honor into question and thereby disable your son socially. And while limiting love may seem unfair, it hardly seems fair that you should cripple your son so, when you have already enjoyed the prime of your life and he is only entering it now.

I think you should speak more with your son about this. Press the issue. Find out where his objections arise from. Is it merely sentimental from your previous wife’s concern or is he more anxious about the residual effects that may affect him and his own family. Whether you chose to go forward with your suit or not, speaking with you son and clearly establishing communication between both of you may still salvage your relationship regardless of the choice you end up making.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley


The Hardest Choice

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I am divided about writing to you. Partly because I think I already know what you’re gonna say and partly because I have no idea what to do. You see, there are these two guys in my life right now. And they both mean a lot to me. And I feel a lot for them. But now Prom is coming up and I have to chose between them. And I don’t know who to chose….

Erick is really nice and funny and we get along really well (actually we work together so we see each other almost every day) and I know he likes me because he’s basically told me in every possible way except saying it out right. And I think the only reason he won’t is because he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship if I say no. 

Then there’s Ben. He’s smart, and handsome, and I’ve had a crush on him for a while now. And he’s finally started to pay attention to me. Not that he didn’t before. We were friends but we never really had a chance to spend time together just the two of us. But now we’ve started going to coffee together, just as friends, and reading books together, and it feels so good. 

I would feel like a jerk if I went to Prom with Ben, because of how long Erick has been basically in love with me. But I can’t help thinking that Ben and I fit together better and that we would have a better chance to maybe find love if we had a chance to spend more time together. I guess what I’m stuck between is what I feel I want to do and what I feel I should do. 

Any Ideas?

Divided Heart

Making a choice

Which one to chose

My Dear Divided,

I’m so very glad to have you as my first letter. Especially seeing as this letter pertains to my special talent, namely finding the right match for every single person left in Yorkshire and after that, the world. You see, love is such a wonderful thing there is no real reason for anyone to keep such a silly notion as singleness for long.

I would advise that you find out as soon as possible, whether or not this Ben has any kind of intention towards you. You may write him a letter, or you may have one of your friends ask one of his friends. But either way, ascertain an answer as soon as possible, so that you can find out if he is even worth considering. If he is, then go for him, for if Erick’s love is really as true and ardent as you have described, he shall only grow the more steadfast while you pursue Ben. And then if it doesn’t work out with Ben you know you always have Erick to fall back on.

I know this must sound terrible, but really, is it that wrong? You may find truest love with Ben and that is definitely worth the risk. And if Erick does not wait for you, then it may not have been real love after all, and then you have avoided quite a serious future entanglement. Test Erick’s love while also attempting Ben’s and you shall never find yourself wanting in admirers.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Jenings

 

 


Getting Tangled in the Undergrowth…

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I am not a lady to throw myself in the path of other men; on the contrary, I am twice as likely to throw myself off of it…especially when the man is one I admire.

I know this is most impractical. Firstly, however, I am terribly shy. Secondly, I cannot shake the feeling that to pursue the object of my admiration under pretenses of friendship would be dishonest. For I feel, you see, so much more, though I am hardly well-enough acquainted with the gentleman to justify more direct flirtation.

But I tire of hiding in bushes as my gentleman passes by. It is degrading, and further more, I’m beginning to acquire leaf stains on all my favorite frocks. In short, I most humbly beg your advice.

I am yours, etc.

Offroaded Admirer

 

 

 

Dear Offroaded,

Let me begin first by saying that those women who throw themselves so wantonly in the path of men at the blink of an eye are most certainly not acting as any true lady ought to. A lady does herself no favor in so desperately pursuing a man, no matter what his rank may be. For not only will her motives be questioned but she will also find that men take greatest delight in the pursuit of a beautiful woman but when they find their target too readily or too easily, they often lose interest fairly quickly. It is much better to let a gentleman pursue you, giving him small signs and tokens of affection but holding back slightly, as to arouse his curiosity and enhance your own air of mystery. But keep in mind, having a reception too cold, too modest, or too dignified may thwart a gentleman’s suit all together.

However, it seems to me that your currently methods, of throwing yourself off the path all together, may mean that you never even reach this point. A gentleman cannot pursue your heart if he does not have the opportunity to do so. This is why it is so vital to stay upon the road. Even as the wanton must resist pitching themselves at the gentleman, the trepidatious must resist the urge to flee. Love requires bravery, as all things of true worth do.

Regarding your thoughts on using friendship, there is a crucial difference to be grasped. Pursuing the object of your desire under the pretense of friendship is dishonorable indeed, however, pursuing the honest friendship of the one you desire is in no way dishonorable. It is only in knowing him a little better that you may realize if he truly is the man of integrity and honor that his impressions have painted him to be. And it may be that in gaining your friendship that small ember of love may be quickened in his heart as well.

Let me warn you though from bitter truths reaped from my own path, it is by no means easy, to be so close and intimate with the one you truly love and respect and regard above all others, and to know that they may not ever see you in the same light. But a very wise man once wrote, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. And Love conquors all.”

If what you feel is so strong, then draw strength from it and stand strong upon the road. Let him draw nearer to you, and draw near to him as well. Learn to know your gentleman a bit better and allow him to know you more. It is only this way that mutual admiration and regard can blossom into the sweetest of all life’s blooms.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley

Post Script. You may find this helpful in dealing with your stained frocks http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2007/07/24/every-day-chores-of-laundry-and-scullery-maids-and-washer-women/