Tag Archives: uncertainty

Love in a Playhouse

Dear Mr Knightley,

About a month ago I began stage-managing for a play (basically I’m the person that keeps everyone in line and makes sure there’s a show to put on after rehearsals are over), and I quickly became attracted to one of the actors. He’s funny, kind, thoughtful, and extremely talented. At first I didn’t think I had a chance (aside from being generally out of my league, he’s also about five years older than me), but we’ve become more and more familiar with each other. He’ll tease me, and joke with me, and recently he’s sought me out to tell me a story just because he thought it’d make me laugh (and it did).

I’ve never really been serious about anyone, but I know I’d be kicking myself forever if I didn’t at least try to…make something of this. Anyway, there’s only a week left of the play, and then I’m not sure if I’ll see him again. I wouldn’t exactly call us friends, so how should I go about…becoming a part of his life, I guess? I don’t want to just ask him out and have that be the end of it. I want to get to know him. Can you help me?

Sincerely,
Growing Desperate

 

Don't mix signals

Are they on the same page?

 

Dear Desperate,

 

It can often be difficult to try and navigate the frightening world of relationships. Especially when they begin to bud in a “professional” type setting. You are absolutely right in wanting to take things slow and establish some credibility first.

You might wish to try and ask him to coffee. This does not have to necessarily be a date. It’s simply coffee. During the conversation, try to find out as much about him and his interests as you can. Identify areas of common interest, and ask how he goes about pursuing them. Eventually the subject of events, or meetings or gatherings or conventions will come up. This is your golden opportunity to spend more time with him. To slowly and carefully integrate yourself into his life.

This will also give you a chance to get to know him better. Which means you’ll be able to really tell if you want to be more than friends.

 

Best of Luck,

Mr Knightley

 

 

 

 

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Getting Tangled in the Undergrowth…

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I am not a lady to throw myself in the path of other men; on the contrary, I am twice as likely to throw myself off of it…especially when the man is one I admire.

I know this is most impractical. Firstly, however, I am terribly shy. Secondly, I cannot shake the feeling that to pursue the object of my admiration under pretenses of friendship would be dishonest. For I feel, you see, so much more, though I am hardly well-enough acquainted with the gentleman to justify more direct flirtation.

But I tire of hiding in bushes as my gentleman passes by. It is degrading, and further more, I’m beginning to acquire leaf stains on all my favorite frocks. In short, I most humbly beg your advice.

I am yours, etc.

Offroaded Admirer

 

 

 

Dear Offroaded,

Let me begin first by saying that those women who throw themselves so wantonly in the path of men at the blink of an eye are most certainly not acting as any true lady ought to. A lady does herself no favor in so desperately pursuing a man, no matter what his rank may be. For not only will her motives be questioned but she will also find that men take greatest delight in the pursuit of a beautiful woman but when they find their target too readily or too easily, they often lose interest fairly quickly. It is much better to let a gentleman pursue you, giving him small signs and tokens of affection but holding back slightly, as to arouse his curiosity and enhance your own air of mystery. But keep in mind, having a reception too cold, too modest, or too dignified may thwart a gentleman’s suit all together.

However, it seems to me that your currently methods, of throwing yourself off the path all together, may mean that you never even reach this point. A gentleman cannot pursue your heart if he does not have the opportunity to do so. This is why it is so vital to stay upon the road. Even as the wanton must resist pitching themselves at the gentleman, the trepidatious must resist the urge to flee. Love requires bravery, as all things of true worth do.

Regarding your thoughts on using friendship, there is a crucial difference to be grasped. Pursuing the object of your desire under the pretense of friendship is dishonorable indeed, however, pursuing the honest friendship of the one you desire is in no way dishonorable. It is only in knowing him a little better that you may realize if he truly is the man of integrity and honor that his impressions have painted him to be. And it may be that in gaining your friendship that small ember of love may be quickened in his heart as well.

Let me warn you though from bitter truths reaped from my own path, it is by no means easy, to be so close and intimate with the one you truly love and respect and regard above all others, and to know that they may not ever see you in the same light. But a very wise man once wrote, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. And Love conquors all.”

If what you feel is so strong, then draw strength from it and stand strong upon the road. Let him draw nearer to you, and draw near to him as well. Learn to know your gentleman a bit better and allow him to know you more. It is only this way that mutual admiration and regard can blossom into the sweetest of all life’s blooms.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley

Post Script. You may find this helpful in dealing with your stained frocks http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2007/07/24/every-day-chores-of-laundry-and-scullery-maids-and-washer-women/


The Classic Conundrum…..

Dear Mr. Knightley:

How do I catch a girl’s attention? There’s a girl in one of my classes who’s cute and charming and I’d love to get a chance to talk to her, but she doesn’t know I exist. It’s a large class and she’s never spoken to me. She always leaves right after class, so I don’t have a chance to catch her then, and I can’t arrive early. Thanks for your advice.

Admiring from Afar

 

Love at first sight

Catching her eye

 

Dear Admiring,

Well I commend you for your bravery. So many people are merely content to sit and languish after the one they love, wasting their lives away pining for some unreachable Adonis or Venus. Success requires endeavor, so be ready to adventure forth if you wish to obtain the object of your affection. First of all, you should avoid confronting her directly with your love. This is brutish and without consideration for her, in that her feelings may lie elsewhere as well in that such directness places her in the position of having to respond to unsolicited advances. Rather, you should create the opportunity to further your acquaintance of her before letting her know how you feel about her. This can be done in several ways. You may attempt to be one of her partners during an assignment for the class. Or even better, the partner of one of the individuals in the class with which she has proven to be close with. It is also worth pursuing this individual’s acquaintanceship, since they may have more flexible schedules than she does, and it may be easier to become their friend. The friend of your friend is the path to surest victory.

Once you have valid grounds for speaking to her (either by being group partners or by working with her friend) you may find it appropriate to ask her to help you with a problem you have been having at class. This will prove her character to you as well as informing you of whether she currently has the time to entertain strangers in her life. Make sure you are at your utmost presentability at this time, since you most definitely want to be recognized for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. If she accepts, then have the meeting, making sure only to stay on the topic of school with slight divergences in the conversation to related topics. This will allow her to show whether she intends to take the meetings further while still also allowing her to stay on topic if in fact she is only entertaining your questions to be charitable.

However, the hardest hurdle to overcome is merely finding grounds to speak to her. The above method is one of several. You could also try asking her for a pencil, forgetting it each day, so that it becomes somewhat of a charming routine for her. Again, this allows her the room she needs to either open the door or shut it. If you feel an icy reply from her by the third asking do not continue and bring your own pencil the following class. This may in fact cause her to miss the routine, and gain you the attention you seek as well.

Above all, remember to be a gentleman. Let your invitations be soft at first, so that she may accept or decline your offers while maintaining her own honor, grace, and dignity. You would not want to force her association because it will be vapid and brief at best. Once you can speak to her, you may invite her to an event where several persons of her acquaintance will be present, to avoid unneeded discomfort on her part. From there, you may call her friend and call upon her with as much frequency as she desires. You should also take this time to get to know her father and brothers. Perhaps go out shooting with them. Also, do not forget the importance of her mother. When meeting her, take great care to compliment her on her parlor and the placement of the windows, as this proves you to be a person of discerning taste and good judgement. She will sing your praises once you have departed. And then you may be set to propose before next Michaelmas.

These are the fruits of endeavor; the success of the heart.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley


A Courting at Court…

Dear Mr. Knightley,

I recently met a girl, who gave me her number after we met standing in line for parking court. I’m normally a shy person, and I think people who do stuff like that are crazy. But she’s really cute. So, should I call her? What do I say? I think we might like some of the same stuff, and perhaps go to the same church. But I don’t know. Plus, like I said, I’m shy.

Please help, 

Shyly Standoffish

Dear Shyly (I believe I have a niece named that)

Life is complicated and love is often unexpected.

However, I may be able to assist you in making life a bit less complicated, and love a bit more expected. You see, you say that you are shy, yet you have feelings for this woman. At this point, you must decide, are the feelings that she strikes upon your heart powerful enough to overcome the fear you feel inside? If so, then you may have found true love, and at first sight, I might add. This is extremely rare and I would advise you pursue it quite thoroughly, as you may never have another chance at true love at first sight. As I said, uncommonly rare.

However, if you are still paralyzed with fear at the very notion of calling upon this girl, then perhaps this is more of a passing fancy, and you should not necessarily waste too much of your time on her. She may in fact be out of her mind, to be asking gentlemen to call upon her so freely. Let us hope that is the worst of it. Or, simply, she may in fact have felt a strong passion come over her at the sight of yourself. May this be encouragement against that crippling fear we mentioned before.

I would say that you ought to call upon her, regardless. For even if it is not love, it will be a grand opportunity to engage in the endeavor of conversing with a lady and will allow you the opportunity to overcome some of your social anxiety. And it is important for one to overcome such constraints, so that when you do meet that special someone who truly is worth your suit, you will not be bound by any fears or constraints, but will be free to rush to her father’s chambers and ask for her hand. He may also be able to advise the best manner in which to court her.

God bless your endeavor, my dear Shyly.

Remember, take heart, for love requires it.

Cordially,
Mr. Knightley