Tag Archives: relationship

The Long Distance Dream… or Delusion

Dear Mr Knightley

Senior year ended for me and I’m getting ready to go to college in Vermont, while my girlfriend stays here in Utah. She has this crazy, unrealistic fantasy that we will keep our relationship going long distance. She knows I want to travel, that Vermont is only the beginning and after that I want to move to Europe or Australia. But she also insists that right now she wants to stay closer to her mother, who has leukemia. I feel like a jerk for saying this but, how do I break it off with her?

Thanks,

Eric

Trying to Reach Each Other

Trying to Cross the Distance 

Dear Eric,

Major life choices like this are hard, but its better for her that you don’t leave things open ended or uncertain. It will hurt her and she is in a place where she could really use a shoulder to lean on. But that’s what she has friends and family for right now anyway. The best thing you can do for her is to break it off completely if you plan on breaking it off. Don’t try to give her hope,because that is false hope and she deserves at least your honesty. It will be extremely hard for you,but be strong and be a real man. Have the courage to tell her the truth about how you feel.

Sincerely,

Mr. Knightley


The Date Drinker

Mr Knightley

My boyfriend says Im more fun when I’ve had a few drinks. On the one hand I like that he isn’t a prude about me drinking. But I worry if that means that he doesnt like sober me. The real me. Should I just go with it? Or am I right to be concerned? And if so, how do I fix it?

-Alcoholic Lover

AlcoholicLover copy

Dear Alcoholic,

While I would never condone alcohol abuse (cough) here’s something for you to consider. One of the effects of inebriation is that it allows you to let go of your inhibitions. So ask yourself, is it that the real you is being masked by the alcohol, or rather, is it that the alcohol is allowing the real you to be seen. And if that is the case, maybe the problem doesn’t lie with the question of alcohol or sobriety, but rather what parts of yourself that you are not comfortable with, and asking yourself why that is. What is there about yourself that you don’t like and why don’t you like it? Why do you feel like that part of you shouldn’t be seen? Are you afraid people won’t like you? Take some introspection and call me in the morning. In the meantime, does your boyfriend not like the sober you? If he likes you regardless then it seems this is more of an internal problem. If he doesn’t like sober you, then he’s an a**hole. Dump his butt.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley

 


A Name for the Baby

Dear Mr Knightley
My wife and I are about to have our first baby. She wants to name it Lorilai if its a girl and Sigmund if its a boy. I want Mary or Alfie. She hates my ideas. I hate hers. Who gets the final say? She says if I were a real gentleman I would let her pick.

-Siggy’s Father

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Dear Father,

All of those names are terrible. Might I suggest you both compromise and instead go with the name Knightley if its boy and Nightly if it’s a girl?

Best Wishes,

Mr Knightley


The Break

Hi there,
My girlfriend and I are on a break right now. Does that mean I can sleep with other girls? Or would that be cheating?
Break Time

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Dear Break Time,

Ask yourself this. If the positions were reversed would you want your gilrfriend sleeping around with other girls right now? Not if you’re not there, right. Exactly my point.

Be Good,
Mr Knightley


Dog Eat Dog World

Dear Mr. Knightley,

My fiancee is a dog person. I am not. Probably because I’m slightly allergic to them and probably because I was bit by one when I was a kid. So she has this german shepherd named Tag. He’s friendly and lovable, at least thats what everyone tells me. Because you see, Tag hates me. I mean, completely hates me. I don’t know if he’s just protective of her or whatever but he barks at me constantly and growls at me and won’t let me come near him. She says he just has to get use to me, but we’ve been dating for over two years and he still acts the same way. Now I’m fine with us keeping the dog, as long as it stays outside and everything. But she won’t even hear a word of it, because she treats it like its a person. I mean, she lets him sit on the couches and sleep in her bed. Which will definitely be a problem very very soon. I think it just has to go. She says that Tag is like her baby and she can’t just give him up. And then she gets all angry at me saying that I am trying to make her choose between us. What am I supposed to do? I mean, I love her. I really do. And I am willing to work and try to make it work. But the dog is the problem and I feel like she’s not even willing to think about the consequences for me. Is there anyway of fixing this or should I just suck it up and try to get by?

– Inthe Doghouse

Aint nothing but a houndog

 

Dear Inthe,

Your situation is definitely going to require a lot of finesse on your part. You obviously love this woman and want to make her happy, even if the situation is somewhat uncomfortable for you. And she probably wants to be able to keep Tag and you at the same time. The first step, would be communicating. Its essential that you are clear that you are not trying to keep her from Tag. And that you are willing to make some sacrifices. Setting her at ease will then open up the channels for finding compromise. It does not have to be an either-or situation. There are in fact several different options.

If you allergy is not too severe, you may be able to treat it with some simple allergen medication. This takes care of at least part of the problem. You may also attempt to reach a compromise with your fiancee in that, maybe Tag can be allowed in the house, but not on the couches or beds. Or something to that extent.

As long as she knows you are making the effort to accommodate her and Tag, she will most likely also be willing to accommodate your concerns as well. Instead of viewing this as a burden or obstacle, see this as a perfect opportunity for the two of you to practice communication, problem solving, and compromise for your coming life together. With the right mind set this can become a positive bonding experience.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley


The Controversial Age Gap

Dear Mr. Knightley, 

I’m a divorced 54 year old with a 27 year old son. He recently got engaged and it was there that I met his fiancee’s cousin. She plays the most lovely music and being around her fills me with energy and excitement.  I feel for the first time in my life as if I am actually in love. But my son won’t even let me broach the topic. It seems to me that he thinks I am too old for her (she’s 22). I’ve been impressed by your advise so far, otherwise I wouldn’t have written. But I hope you can help me. I don’t want my son to feel that I don’t consider his opinion but at the same time it doesn’t really have anything to do with him, right?

-Feeling Fortyagain

Eeew

Age before Beauty

Dear Mr. Fortyagain,

I thank you for your kind correspondence and for the compliment you paid the blog. Rest assured that we take every letter seriously and even those we do not feature on the page still get answered whenever possible. Regarding your question there are several things that I will just briefly touch on, since this is a delicate situation.

You are absolutely correct when you say that this matter is entirely up to you. And you do not have to show any kind of consideration for your son’s opinion on the matter. However, I think you have handled it well up until now, by attempting to speak with your son before you go ahead with your plan. He has certainly not shown the same kind of restraint and decorum in temperment, which may only come with age.

And your age will definitely be an advantage to the young lady, and a compliment to her beauty. However, to make an appropriate decision a clear view of all the facts must be attained, and that involves counting not only the benefits but also the costs. And there are several you will have to face. First, while I hope that you can tell by now whether what you feel is a passing fancy or not, she may not be able to yet, so that while your feelings of affection may start out mutual she may lose interest all too soon. And either way, her own honor may be called into question, and you would not want to do something such as that to someone you admire or respect.

A second consideration is while this may not reflect poorly on you, it may reflect poorly on your son. Depending on how well your situation is known among society it may call your family’s honor into question and thereby disable your son socially. And while limiting love may seem unfair, it hardly seems fair that you should cripple your son so, when you have already enjoyed the prime of your life and he is only entering it now.

I think you should speak more with your son about this. Press the issue. Find out where his objections arise from. Is it merely sentimental from your previous wife’s concern or is he more anxious about the residual effects that may affect him and his own family. Whether you chose to go forward with your suit or not, speaking with you son and clearly establishing communication between both of you may still salvage your relationship regardless of the choice you end up making.

Cordially,

Mr. Knightley


Betraying the Vow…

Dear Mr. Knightley,

My question’s a bit complicated. My girlfriend and I met in college freshman year at Georgia Tech. We instantly hit it off and we were totally and completely in love. Completely. But school cost a lot of money and so we made a plan. While I went and finished school, she took on more shifts at her job, to help cover the rest of the expenses. And the deal was when I finished, we would switch. 

But things have gotten a lot more complicated since then. 

For starters my career is really taking off and we will need to move to New York. But there aren’t any schools that specialize in the area she wants to go. And there’s something else. We now have a two year old daughter named Sophie. 

I know we made the deal all those years ago, but I really don’t think keeping it will be a good idea right now. My careers is taking off and I need to be able to really put in some energy and effort to get it going right now. Plus, I want us to actually get married before Sophie gets much older and, I won’t lie, I would actually prefer to have her stay home and be there for Sophie. I know it sounds selfish but the job can really help us to live comfortably and I only want whats best for all of us. I haven’t spoken to my wife about it yet. I know I should. I just, I don’t know, I was hoping maybe you’d be able to give me some advice or a perspective on things that can help me out. 

Thank you so much and feel free to post this one to the site, 

Dealor NoDeal

 

 

 

Dear Dealor,

It is indeed quite the predicament you find yourself. And while I completely understand the motivations behind your thoughts, you have also already divined my thoughts on the matter. If you wish to spend the rest of your days with this woman, and if you claim to love her, as I’m sure you truly do, then you must be able to confide in her and trust her to understand your thoughts.

In the end of the day, you are honourbound to keep the promise you made to this lady. It does not matter how inconvenient or how much self sacrifice is required. She sacrificed in order for you to have reached your current position. You must, if she requires it of you, keep your promise to her, regardless of any changes in circumstance.

However, do not immediately assume that she will want to keep the vow. She may already have thought about many of these things. And she may have some solutions that you have not had the opportunity to think of. I believe that you will find that she is just as aware of the change in circumstances as you are, and that she will also be aware that the terms may have to change. But at the end of the day, you must still be completely willing to keep the vow you made to her in your youth, and you must be willing to do it with the selfsame spirit of charity and grace that she had when she first bore the first part of the agreement.

Cordially,
Mr Knightley