Dear Mr. Knightley,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now (last april we moved in together) but lately I’ve been feeling like he’s been drifting. It’s like he’s not spending any time with me. He’s doesn’t do things for me anymore like he did before. He doesn’t even say “I love you” anymore. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore, or not as much, or I don’t know.
I guess my question is, how do I talk to him about it? I wanna ask him if he still loves me, but I don’t know how.
Dear Questioning (what a pretty name),
I must say, I do find this whole matter between you and your beloved somewhat troubling.
You see, when a man loves a woman, he often goes to great lengths to tell her that. Initially. He may buy her some ribbon in a shop window that he noticed she had her eye on, or he may pick her a nosegay on the walk up the lane to her father’s house. This all cumulates in his declaration of affection. However, once he has accomplished that, he often feels as if the deed has been done and sees no reason why it ought to be repeated. Your beloved may simply feel that his task is complete.
Contrarily, it may also be that he is unsure of his affection for you, or that it may even lie with another. If you were to confront him about this, his response will vary, depending upon the kind of man he is. If he is an honorable man, he will tell you the truth, which may be unsettling to hear (and many woman declare that they would rather not know, though, how sincere the sentiment is I do not know), but which will allow you to better understand what is happening and what to do about it.
If he is not an honorable man, then why in heaven’s name would you continue your association with him? A man of disrepute would only be a stain upon your honor and the honor of your family. And men such as those often leave havoc and destruction in their wake. But if you insist on continuing your relation with him, then be advised that he may shower you with love again after confronting him, but this love, while appeasing your heart for a time, is insincere and will only leave you all the more heartbroken in the end.
Either way, it is best I think, to speak to him and allow the question burning in your heart to be heard. He may be bringing you pain unawares, and this will allow him to mend his ways. Or perhaps he is unsure of his heart, and this will allow him to see the damage his insecurity has brought, and may mobilize him to reevaluate his heart and where his affections ought to lie.
Save yourself the agonizingly long distress of keeping this question inside.