Dear Mr Knightley
My flatmate is always getting pissed. What do I do about it? He’s super annoying and then he passes out all over the place. We have our flat for another four months and I can hardly stand it anymore.
Next time your flatmate is passed out drunk, grind up some estrogen pills and slowly feed them to him. Each time he does it continue to administer estrogen. Soy or common sage are also great sources of plant based estrogen. Within a few months he will begin to develop breasts. This will most likely prevent him from wanting to go out and “socialize”. If he drinks at home, put a diuretic in his liquor. That way he has to pee constantly, keeping him sober and out of the main rooms. This may be a teeny bit illegal depending on where you live though, so check your local laws first.