Dear Mr. Knightley,
My question’s a bit complicated. My girlfriend and I met in college freshman year at Georgia Tech. We instantly hit it off and we were totally and completely in love. Completely. But school cost a lot of money and so we made a plan. While I went and finished school, she took on more shifts at her job, to help cover the rest of the expenses. And the deal was when I finished, we would switch.
But things have gotten a lot more complicated since then.
For starters my career is really taking off and we will need to move to New York. But there aren’t any schools that specialize in the area she wants to go. And there’s something else. We now have a two year old daughter named Sophie.
I know we made the deal all those years ago, but I really don’t think keeping it will be a good idea right now. My careers is taking off and I need to be able to really put in some energy and effort to get it going right now. Plus, I want us to actually get married before Sophie gets much older and, I won’t lie, I would actually prefer to have her stay home and be there for Sophie. I know it sounds selfish but the job can really help us to live comfortably and I only want whats best for all of us. I haven’t spoken to my wife about it yet. I know I should. I just, I don’t know, I was hoping maybe you’d be able to give me some advice or a perspective on things that can help me out.
Thank you so much and feel free to post this one to the site,
It is indeed quite the predicament you find yourself. And while I completely understand the motivations behind your thoughts, you have also already divined my thoughts on the matter. If you wish to spend the rest of your days with this woman, and if you claim to love her, as I’m sure you truly do, then you must be able to confide in her and trust her to understand your thoughts.
In the end of the day, you are honourbound to keep the promise you made to this lady. It does not matter how inconvenient or how much self sacrifice is required. She sacrificed in order for you to have reached your current position. You must, if she requires it of you, keep your promise to her, regardless of any changes in circumstance.
However, do not immediately assume that she will want to keep the vow. She may already have thought about many of these things. And she may have some solutions that you have not had the opportunity to think of. I believe that you will find that she is just as aware of the change in circumstances as you are, and that she will also be aware that the terms may have to change. But at the end of the day, you must still be completely willing to keep the vow you made to her in your youth, and you must be willing to do it with the selfsame spirit of charity and grace that she had when she first bore the first part of the agreement.