When He Won’t Take No for an Answer

Mr Knightly,

I was wondering how you feel I should deal with the advances of a man who I was involved with once and started ignoring me and now wants me back. I don’t feel that way about him anymore but he is being very persistent.

Sinselry,

Annoyed by Suitor

Guys who cant take a hint

No means no!

 

Dear Annoyed,

You should decide whether or not you can trust him after the way he’s treated you in the past. If you decide that it’s over and you don’t want anything to do with him, tell him. Tell him clearly. Make sure he understands. Do not leave things open in anyway. Even if you feel like you’d like to spare his feelings, its better to make a clean break, if that’s what you want.

Having said that, there are some people who…. for lack of a better term are less in touch with reality

tumblr_leodrzNaL61qzvb8zAnd if your person truly will not take no for an answer you have several options.

(A) get a restraining order
(B) get a new boyfriend to help him understand it really is over
(C) tell him you see him as a brother/gay best friend/good friend
(D) and there’s always…. murder ;)

 

 

 

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How to Write a Letter of Unrequited Love

Dear mr knightley

I’m in love with a boy who doesn’t love me. I’ve decided to write him a latter about how I feel. But I don’t know what to say. What would you write?

Sincerely,
Wordless

Sent from my iPhone

quil letter written regency era

What to say, what to say…

Dear Wordless,

Well. If I were to write a letter such as this it would probably begin by saying how very glad I am that he is reading the letter. Then I would use that to transition into saying how he makes me happy.

Some men (who shan’t be mentioned) might say how in vain they have struggled but how it is not to be helped. That they ardently love. Against their reason and better judgement. While this sounds romantic it is in fact a bad idea. Because you would be telling the person you love that you wish you didn’t have to love them but you have to. Like getting a bad pair of stockings for Christmas and having to wear them.

I would be honest and genuin. I would say how I feel. And also that I understand that he doesn’t feel the same way. And that this letter does not come with any new expectation. That it is simply something I must get off my chest to be honest.

Of course, I would then also add that perhaps at the next village ball I may enjoy a dance or merely a turn about the room. Your gentleman friend may be a bit more at ease with that.

Best of luck, Wordless. May you find the right words.

Cordially,
Mr Knightley


It’s Not Murder if You Yell Surprise First

Dear Knightley

I have a friend who keeps jumping up behind me and yelling surprise. At first it was cute. Then it was funny. Now it’s getting annoying and he keeps doing it more the more I tell him to stop. Should I kill him? What way would you recommend?

Thanks for the advice,

Plotting

Plotting Murder in Regency Era

Surprise… wait, why do you have that dagger?

Dear Plotting,

From now on I’d suggest carrying a switchblade on your person. The next time you get that tickling, inkling sensation that he’s behind you and about to do it, merely flip out the switchblade and spin around and stab him repeatedly in the chest. Then as you laugh maniacally make sure you yell surprise. See how he likes it.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley


Breathless for Breasts

Mr Knightley

I will just be frank. I like to look at boobs. But not fake ones or ones on the computer. I mean real life ones in person. But I am not very attractive so getting a girlfriend is not a option. I know you do not usually answer questions like this, but how can I find some, without a girlfriend?

-BooblessBob

Jane Austen Breast Obsession

So that’s what they look like in real life…

Dear Bob,

Strip clubs.
The thing you are describing are strip clubs.
Glad to help.
Stay away from my neighborhood.

Very Sincerely,

Mr. Knightley

Answer this question yourself below in the comments section, or remember you can always send mr knightley your own letter at dearmrknightley@gmail.com or using the form on the Write to Mr Knightley link above.


Regency Rules for PDA

Mr Knightly

My best friends just started dating and though its still kinda weird, it would be a lot less weird if they weren’t all over each other all the time. I mean at parties, at movies, at lunch. Its getting out of control and gross. How do I keep them off of each other?

2MuchPDA

Regency Groping

Where is that hand going, sir?

Dearest 2Much,

Sometimes a subtle aside is all it takes to make someone realise that you’re embarrassing themselves. But that isn’t always successful. If they continue making a spectacle of themselves, you can try a more direct approach. Maybe send them a letter, or perhaps do a needlepoint or a watercolor showing the awkwardness of such social fraternization. 

But if all else fails, my advise is find yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend (or both) and make an even worst spectacle around them. Make them see how uncomfortable they are making other people. Let them see just how gross public display of affection can be. That’ll teach them.

Sincerely,
Mr Knightley


The Long Distance Dream… or Delusion

Dear Mr Knightley

Senior year ended for me and I’m getting ready to go to college in Vermont, while my girlfriend stays here in Utah. She has this crazy, unrealistic fantasy that we will keep our relationship going long distance. She knows I want to travel, that Vermont is only the beginning and after that I want to move to Europe or Australia. But she also insists that right now she wants to stay closer to her mother, who has leukemia. I feel like a jerk for saying this but, how do I break it off with her?

Thanks,

Eric

Trying to Reach Each Other

Trying to Cross the Distance 

Dear Eric,

Major life choices like this are hard, but its better for her that you don’t leave things open ended or uncertain. It will hurt her and she is in a place where she could really use a shoulder to lean on. But that’s what she has friends and family for right now anyway. The best thing you can do for her is to break it off completely if you plan on breaking it off. Don’t try to give her hope,because that is false hope and she deserves at least your honesty. It will be extremely hard for you,but be strong and be a real man. Have the courage to tell her the truth about how you feel.

Sincerely,

Mr. Knightley


A Dining Dilemma

Dearest Mr Knightley,

I am ever so vexed by my unfortunate relations. You see, my family has no pride or prejudice at all! They are like animals, so gruff and unrefined. And they tease me for making an attempt to use proper ettiquette. I have tried hard to be gracious. I have done everything I could! I am at the end of my rope! Last night’s dinner was the final STRAW! I DID EVERYTHING AND MADE EVERYTHING RIGHT AND PERFECT AND LAID ALL THE CORRECT TABLE WARE AND EVERYTHING AND THEY STILL DIDN”T USE THE RIGHT FORKS! HOW MUCH MUST A WOMAN ENDURE BEFORE SHE CAN TAKE NO MORE! BEFORE DRASTIC ACTION IS CALLED FOR!

Cordially,

Cicily  Cartwright, Lady of Apartment 217B

Regency Family Meal Ettiquite

A Family Dinner Done RIght

Dearest Lady Cartwright,

What you need is two things. A) a local area regency era group that you can be social and civilized with. and B) a chill pill. Give your family a little bit of credit for putting up with your pickiness and let things go. If you stress less you’ll live longer and be happier.

Sincerely,

Mr Knightley