Dear Mr. Knightley,
My life is over! This last week was spring break and everybody went to the beach to get away. A couple of my friends and me were in the swimming pool at the hotel and like half of the cheerleaders were tanning so we thought we’d get their attention by diving in. So we’re swimming and they start to notice us and they’re kinda gigglin and smiling, specially every time I’m getting ready to take a dive. Finally my buddy Shawn swims over looking really worried and he points at my swimshorts. Turns out the buttons on my fly were off and I had been showing off more than my diving the whole time! I’ve never felt so embaressed. Is there anything I can do so I’m not the butt of all the jokes for the rest of the year?
I know that at this moment you must be feeling anxious and worried but rest assured that everyone has had at least one moment of social scarring. And while unfortunately it does nothing to make people kinder, it does at least mean that you usually won’t have to wait too long before someone else will do something worse and everyone will forget your incident.
However, you may want to apologize to the young ladies in question. They did not ask for your indecent exposure and you ought to apologize for any inconvenience or alarm you may have caused them.